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5 Ways to Avoid "Stuff-Envy"
I recently came across the phrase "stuff-envy" in a First5 app devotional on Ecclesiastes 6. In the lesson titled Roving Appetite Recovery, Wendy Pope discussed how, "even as an adult [she] struggled with an appetite for what others had." She reminded readers that, "obsessing over things we desire robs us of the joy of God's blessings."
If you've been a follower of mine for a while, you know that the concept of"stuff-envy" is something with which I've really struggled. I've considered shutting down Abbylish on multiple occasions mostly due to the moral quandary of promoting materialism when it's something that can so consume my own life.
While it seems so obvious and easy to just find satisfaction in God rather than things, it's not always so simple to make that mind shift. So today, I'm sharing five practical ways to avoid "stuff-envy" and to help correct a "roving appetite" from the inside out. These are just some of the applications that I've put into place in my own life over the past few years that I've found to be successful and beneficial.
1. Get off social media
This is obviously hard for me to recommend because I don't want to lose my online friends and followers. But, I know first hand how cleansing an extended break from social media can be.
It's amazing how much you stop caring about what everybody else is doing when you just don't see it 24/7. You can't have FOMO if you don't even know it's happening in the first place! I encourage you to take a social media hiatus every so often, whether for a week, a month, or even longer and see how it makes you feel. I guarantee you won't regret scrolling the internet less.
2. Do NOT create more storage
Another reason we can't have kids any time soon is that I'm using every square inch of storage space in our home (including both spare bedrooms and closets) for my own crap. Greg and I have talked about opening up access to our attic, but honestly, our current lack of storage space deters me from buying a ton of things I don't need. Sometimes more space = more things to fill it.
Do I want a Christmas tree in every room of the house, each with their own holly jolly theme? Of course! But I don't have the room to store them, and so I'm forced to recognize the fact that said Christmas trees aren't a need and that I can even *happily* live without them.
3. Two Week Rule
My mom once told me that if you didn't wear something within two weeks of purchasing it, return it. Not sure where she first heard that advice, but it's some of the truest in my life. If you're not dying to wear it the next day after buying it, you will most likely lose interest. That's why I have a love/hate relationship with events like the Nordstrom Sale. You get yourself all hyped up for overpriced sweaters and boots in JULY, months before you can even wear them!
Basically, the Two Week Rule helps you decipher if the stuff you're envying will actually serve you in some way. It helped me realize that I don't need to buy any business-type clothes. I can appreciate a structured blazer or a pencil skirt, but I know that I'm rarely ever going to find myself in a time or place where I will need those pieces. So, while I may be tempted to buy them, when I really stop and think about it, I know I don't need them. Same with "church dresses." I grew up attending a more traditional "Sunday best" church where I wore pretty dresses every single week. Now, Greg and I attend a gathering with a more casual vibe, so the formal dresses just aren't really a necessity in my closet anymore. I'm still so attracted to pretty frocks, but I have now realized that my money is better spent elsewhere.
4. Refresh > Hoarding
Another rule I've adopted in life is: if you do get something new, get rid of something old. Channel your inner Marie Kondo and occasionally declutter areas of your home. As hokey as it sounds, I love her idea of "thanking" the items for serving you when they did and sending them on to a new life! Try not to feel like you're losing something by donating or selling old items. Consider the fact they're going to get much more use from a new owner than they will by sitting in storage at your house.
5. PRAY!!
I guess I should have listed this as number one, because it really should be your first line of defense. Pray for God to fill your heart with love for Him instead of things. Ask Him for wisdom and strength to overcome the struggle of "stuff-envy." And thank Him for the many blessings in your life. I've often found that when you stop and focus on all of the things, experiences, and relationships God has already blessed you with, those things that you seemingly don't have start to lose their importance.
If you struggle with "stuff-envy"like I do, I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please know that I don't believe consumerism, shopping, or even materialism to be inherently evil things. However, when not kept in check in my own life, they can grow into sinful idols that rob me of the abundant life that Jesus came to give me.
Let me know if you have any other suggestions to keeping "stuff-envy" at bay. Prayers for all of you who may be working on this with me!
XOXO,
Abby
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21 Days of Prayer & Fasting - Round 2
It’s that time again! From August 9th to August 30th, I’ll be participating in another round of 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting with my church family. This is something that we are encouraged to try twice a year. I finally participated in my first 21 Days this past January (more on that HERE), and honestly, I’ve been looking forward to the next one ever since.
I’m going to be fasting from social media again this time around, specifically Instagram and Facebook. I just feel l like social media is the biggest cause of personal unrest in my life as well as the main thing that pulls me away from a deeper relationship with God. Especially with the crazy year we’ve had, I’m welcoming this reset (not to mention the break from everyone else’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions).
What I’m looking forward to most:
1. Rebuilding a deeper relationship with the Holy Spirit
2. Missing the Nordstrom Sale (aka NOT stressing myself out over something trivial and NOT sharing winter clothes in 80 degree heat)
3. Enjoying the rest of Summer instead of feeling the pressure to rush into Fall
Goals I have (and hope to maintain after the 21 days):
1. Clean my oven 😆
2. Practice Yoga at least once a week / work on flexibility & meditation
3. Remember not to replace social media with other things that keep me unnecessarily busy
This time around, I'll also have the added dynamic of Greg working from home. I'll have to admit, I've allowed him being at the house more to stifle my morning Bible studies and quiet time. Not to mention, my patience has been growing thinner and thinner over the last few months (another thing to work on during this fast). 😇
However, despite challenges old and new, I'm eager to begin. Praying for eyes to see and ears to hear. Praying that I emerge 21 days later with new clarity and discernment and an overall refreshed feeling. And most importantly, I pray that I know God more in 21 days than I do right now.
If you're interested in a little mid-year reset yourself, I encourage you to join me!! You don't have to fast from social media like I am. You can choose to fast from television, shopping, or even a literal meal. Chances are you probably know right off the top of your head the thing you most need a break from. During the fast, spend the extra free time you have communing with God in some way. Whatever works for you. I enjoy writing in a prayer journal, reading God's word, or completing an interactive Bible study (I love the First5 app). Let me know if you plan on participating as well! I'd love to hear about your journey and what you learned when it's all said and done.
Best wishes and lots of love!
See you in 21 days!
XOXO,
Abby
*I receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post.
However, I simply promote the brands and products that I love, and all opinions are my own.*
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Wedding
To end, I thought it would be fun to share a few anniversary gift ideas. I'm a sucker for the traditional yearly anniversary gifts. If you didn't know that was a thing, give it a Google! It's so fun to see all of the old traditions and the new modern versions of gifts that people have come up with as well. Keep scrolling to get a few ideas (just for years 1-5...I don't have all day, people!). Even if you've been married longer than five years, or not at all, maybe you'll still get a few fresh gift ideas.
1st Anniversary: Paper
Think personalized stationary, a new bible, or a custom couples portrait!
2nd Anniversary: Cotton
Greg literally bought me a single stick of decorative faux cotton for our second anniversary. 😂
3rd Anniversary: Leather
To all the men out there, Louis Vuitton makes excellent leather products. Just sayin'!
4th Anniversary: Fruit/Flowers
Honestly, the best thing you can do here is get an Edible Arrangement.
5th Anniversary: Wood
You can just use your imagination to guess what crude comment Greg made about a "wood" gift. 😳
Anniversary Insights - 5 Things We've Learned in 5 years
Y'all know I can't resist sharing a list with you guys, especially if the list contains five things (more of said lists here, here, and here). The number 5 has always been my lucky number, so it only makes sense that I should share another "5 Things" post on my fifth wedding anniversary! And buckle up because this is actually a list full of lists! I am who I am.
This has, by far, been the strangest, year of marriage Greg and I have experienced (lest we forget the tornado, quarantine, and subsequent brief period of unemployment). But maybe since it's our fifth anniversary, that's a good omen?? Hope so!
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| July 11, 2015 |
Therefore, in honor of our fifth wedding anniversary, I consulted with Greg, and we decided to share five things we've learned over the last five years together. I've considered doing wedding/marriage themed posts on our anniversary in years past, but I've always ended up deciding against it. Mostly because I don't feel like I'm a credible source for advice. 😂 And specifically regarding wedding advice, my hesitancy towards sharing my thoughts is three fold:
1. With the current events going on in the world, many couples are postponing or cancelling weddings, and unfortunately, I don't' have any experience with that.
2. Most of my followers are not currently in the bride season of life.
3. Other than my choice of groom, I found my own wedding to be, at best, underwhelming, and at worst...disappointing.
I can give you a laundry list of what I would have done differently, but that’s a story for another day. Plus, it's not the most cheery of content, now is it?
Honestly, when asked (which thankfully isn't often), the advice I give to young couples regarding weddings is this:
Save your money and ELOPE. Plan a celebratory party later.
or
Spare no expense and have the wedding of your dreams.
There is no in between.
Personally, I was so concerned with budget and worried about being viewed as a bridezilla that I felt like I cut corners and compromised on so many things. And yet now, 5 years later, I can’t even remember most of that day. Riddle me that. So all of my stressing really wasn't even worth it.
Regardless of how I perceive my own wedding day, I snagged a hottie husband out of it, so I’d still call it a win.
 |
| We had our programs printed on fans because it was the hottest day of the century. |
 |
| Donuts from Ralph's instead of wedding cake! |
SO! Moving onto the good stuff.
5 Things We've Learned in 5 Years of Marriage
1. Communication is Key
I know that this point (maybe in this exact wording) can be found in almost every book or article touting relationship advice. But that's just because it's so true! In fact, pretty much every point I list after this somehow relates back to good communication.
One of the most important things I've learned regarding communication is that, as much as you want them to, men. cannot. read. minds. 🤪 If you want your husband to do something or know something, you have to tell them. Sure, Greg has surprised me a few times and done something like clean the house while I'm stuck at work or plan a weekend getaway. But ultimately, you must communicate things that you want him to know.
Also, after being disappointed a few too many times (due to my lack of communication), I've started planning things myself. If I want to do something for my birthday, I organize it. If I want dinner reservations for Valentine's Day, I make the phone call. Though I do think that Greg could stand to read between the lines a little bit more, I have to remind myself that it's not fair to hold him to standards that he never even knew existed.
There's a phrase I've heard somewhere before that says something like, "expectation without communication leads to disappointment." This is something I'm still working on daily, but if you create a home that is a safe space to talk to each other about anything, you can freely communicate your expectations with one another and hopefully avoid disappointment and frustration!
2. Determine the Vacation Planner
Growing up, my dad was always the vacation planner in our family. I think he literally enjoys the logistics of planning trips. Maybe more so than the actual trip! I always assumed it was a "man thing." However, Greg always experienced trip planning as a "woman thing" seeing as his mom usually booked all of their family vacays. Unfortunately, we didn't figure out this little discrepancy until a few years into our marriage. After a a couple of trips where we stayed in absolute DUMPS and Greg stressed about every detail, I realized that he truly hated organizing and planning. I offered to take over planning our getaways in the future, and his response was something along the lines of, "thank goodness, I thought you'd never ask."
While this may be a silly example, the main point is to consider loosely defining some "roles" in your marriage. Know your own weaknesses and allow your spouse to take over when necessary and vice versa. It all goes back to the first point. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
3. Pray to be a better spouse.
Ask God to equip you with the tools and knowledge to better understand, appreciate, and respect your spouse. If you BOTH consistently pray for this, you’ll be on the right track.
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| A Helpful Diagram |
4. Remember the Past
Some of the things that annoy me the most about Greg are some of the qualities that initially attracted me to him: his steadfastness, predictability, responsibility, attention to detail, and sense of security. I try to really remember how appealing these attributes were (and still are) to me whenever they frustrate me.
5. Go On Dates
This is another one of those obvious tips that you hear over and over again. But, again, that's because it's true! Greg and I try to have some form of a date night at least once a week (granted, it's been slim pickings recently thanks to the 'rona). It doesn't have to be anything super formal, but there's still something fun and special about looking nice and going out like you did when you were first dating. Even better, leave your phones in the car. That way you can truly converse, or dare I say, communicate??
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| We had a small wedding party with just our siblings and cousins. |
Now, I'm not pretending to be an expert on marriage. With just five years under our belts, Greg and I have a lot left to learn. But, these are the biggest nuggets of wisdom I've gleaned in the last five years. Whether you're engaged, newly married, or have spent a lifetime with your spouse, I hope a point or two from this list will resonate with you and inspire some new growth in your relationship.
To end, I thought it would be fun to share a few anniversary gift ideas. I'm a sucker for the traditional yearly anniversary gifts. If you didn't know that was a thing, give it a Google! It's so fun to see all of the old traditions and the new modern versions of gifts that people have come up with as well. Keep scrolling to get a few ideas (just for years 1-5...I don't have all day, people!). Even if you've been married longer than five years, or not at all, maybe you'll still get a few fresh gift ideas.
1st Anniversary: Paper
Think personalized stationary, a new bible, or a custom couples portrait!
2nd Anniversary: Cotton
Greg literally bought me a single stick of decorative faux cotton for our second anniversary. 😂
3rd Anniversary: Leather
To all the men out there, Louis Vuitton makes excellent leather products. Just sayin'!
4th Anniversary: Fruit/Flowers
Honestly, the best thing you can do here is get an Edible Arrangement.
5th Anniversary: Wood
You can just use your imagination to guess what crude comment Greg made about a "wood" gift. 😳
What are some of the most important things you've learned in your relationships? Do you give traditional anniversary gifts or come up with your own? Maybe you opt for no gifts at all?? Let me know!
Wishing you all the best, forever and always!
XOXO,
Abby
*all photos by Zach and Sarah
*I receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post.
However, I simply promote the brands and products that I love, and all opinions are my own.*
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Finding Fearlessness
I am not in a great place right now.
My family and I are still reeling from the physical and emotional trauma of a devastating tornado three weeks ago that directly affected my sister and her family. On top of that, I returned to my job at the hospital this week (after a two week hiatus to assist my family), and it was absolute chaos.The COVID-19 pandemic has everyone scared and confused. I am a nurse in the surgical department, and there has been much debate over the last week about cancelling all elective surgeries. Starting next week, all elective cases will be postponed for eight weeks. So on top of everything else, now the operating room staff is panicking about how they will pay their bills. Hospital-wide, visitor restrictions keep getting tighter and tighter. Patients’ worried family members are rude and hateful to us, the health care providers, who have been assigned to screen visitors at the doors. Never mind that we’re just as worried and uncertain. Never mind that our safety guidelines are literally changing by the hour. Never mind that we’re literally putting our lives at risk by just being in our place of work. You could cut the tension at the hospital with a knife.
We’ve also had a few days of severe weather since the March 3rd tornado. Greg and I bought an intense weather radio with all the bells and whistles. My google history includes a search for the best kinds of helmets to wear during storms. We want to install a $5,000 solid steel storm shelter in our garage. I’ve downloaded about seventeen different weather alert apps on my phone, and I sleep with my phone on loud every single night. Sleep is sacred in our household, but it hasn’t been coming easily. When I try to go to sleep at night I start imagining the terrors my sister, her family, and her neighbors must have experienced that night and I get scared. Restless, I toss and turn, which also keeps Greg awake. Not to mention, the constant weather alerts (even for things like fog) going off on my phone have been interrupting our sleep. But my peace of mind seems more important right now. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up with us though. We are irritable and fatigued. And now we’re trapped in the house together trying to self quarantine and stay safe from coronavirus. We have been supporting each other, but we want to commune with our family and friends. I’ve been feeling lonely and depressed as a result of the social distancing.
My niece, Harper, who sustained a brain injury during the tornado is truly making leaps and bounds in her recovery. I firmly believe that with a lot of hard work and therapy over the next several months, she’ll be back to the spunky, smart two year old she was before the storm. But, I’m just frustrated that she even had to have this setback. She is so bright and full of personality. Three weeks ago, she was on the road to developing into a wonderful human being. She’s still on that road, but this new obstacle in her path just seems so unnecessary. And when I start to dwell on these thoughts, I just get overcome with emotion. Like, right now as I’m sitting here weeping while typing.
The combination of all of these current life stresses has caused moments that feel not quite unbearable, but almost. And unfortunately, as a result, I’ve been overcome by this spirit of fear over the last few weeks.
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| "Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don’t fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?" - Luke 12:27-28 |
I’ve always been afraid of being caught off guard, especially in the middle of the night. That’s why I can’t ever sleep when Greg’s not home. If he goes out of town, I usually try to tough it out alone for a few nights, but always end up sleeping at my parents’ house. For some reason, I have always had this thought that if something awful happens while Greg and I are together, it will be much better than if the same thing happens while I’m alone. I think that’s why the tornado hurts so much. I’m sad that my family experienced one of my worst fears.
I’ve also always been afraid of dying in some tragic, frightening, or painful way. My ideal way to go out is in my sleep, when I’m 95, and right by Greg’s side (obviously dying together). I’m a Christian, and I truly believe that I will be going to Heaven and spending eternity with the Godhead upon my death, but I still think it’s human nature to fear death a little bit and to long for a peaceful exit from this earth. So again, I’m devastated that many people in my home town, including my family’s neighbors and friends, lived out this fear of mine.
I babysat Harper one morning back before Christmas. We sat in the big chairs (bar stools) and had breakfast. She was eating this muffin (most of which landed in the floor to Luna’s delight), and I remember at that exact moment feeling suddenly overcome by how much I loved her and how I never wanted anything bad to ever happen to her. I wasn’t even thinking on as large a scale as a tornado or a brain injury. I just always wanted her to have friends and to never be made fun of and to never be cheated on and to never have anyone ever be mean to her. I wanted her to always be safe. To never be in a car wreck or get some horrible illness. I wanted her life to be picture perfect, just like her. Sadly though, I couldn’t and never will be able to keep bad things from happening to the people I love, and that stirs up fear in me as well.
The silver lining in all of this though, is that even though this spirit of fear is defeating me at times, I know that it’s not from God. The apostle Paul said that, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). The Bible tells me over and over again to be strong and courageous, to fear no evil, and to not waste time worrying. And why? Because, “nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39
These verses remind me that there truly is nothing to fear. Whether I die tomorrow in some tragic way, or in 60 years after a long healthy life, I will be with Jesus and those who have gone on before me! Leah DiPascal with Proverbs 31 Ministries says it better:
“Regardless of how much suffering we’ll experience in our lifetime, one thing is for sure. A day will come when there will be no more sorrow or pain, no more heartache or tears, no more loss or suffering. Our joy will be made complete and we will come face to face with Jesus - the One and Only, who embraced the cross and bore the greatest undeserved suffering completely for us.”
“Regardless of how much suffering we’ll experience in our lifetime, one thing is for sure. A day will come when there will be no more sorrow or pain, no more heartache or tears, no more loss or suffering. Our joy will be made complete and we will come face to face with Jesus - the One and Only, who embraced the cross and bore the greatest undeserved suffering completely for us.”
Friends, I know the entire world is feeling some anxiety and tension right now. You may be experiencing more than others. My prayer is that God, who is with us in our sufferings, will cover you with His peace that surpasses all understanding. And I also pray that if you don’t know God yet that you find Him soon! A life with Him is a life of hope. Hope that even through the darkest days of this earthly life, there is literal light at the end of the tunnel. An eternal, light-filled life with Him.
Lots of love.
XOXO,
Abby
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Fashion
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Last week, a deadly tornado ripped through my hometown, killing several, and completely destroying homes, my sister’s included. In a matter of seconds, my sister’s entire wardrobe was scattered across the city. She couldn’t care less. In the emergency room, the nurses literally cut the rain soaked clothing off of my family. As I ran into the ER, I saw their destroyed garments strewn all over the floor. I couldn’t care less. My sister and brother in law’s glasses were both blown off during the storm. In the ER, I gave my brother in law the glasses straight off of my face. I had just gotten new, perfect lenses without any scratches. I couldn’t care less.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting over the past few weeks (hence this post). Reflecting on my own clothes. On how my feelings about clothing have shifted so vastly in such a short time. On how I would feel if the contents of my wardrobe were littered all over town. And reflecting on how, by far, the most important clothes I’ve ever worn in my life (and I’ve worn a lot) are the clothes of Christ.
My Favorite Outfit
I’ve been thinking a lot about clothes recently.
Fashion and styling have always been high on my list of hobbies. I truly enjoy shopping and creating outfits, keeping up with the trends, and inspiring others. Some cute new article of clothing can actually make me giddy.
In an instant though, clothes lost all of their importance.
I’ve pretty much worn the same no-nonsense outfit every day for the last two weeks. I haven’t styled my hair or worn makeup. I couldn’t care less.
I’ve experienced this overwhelming feeling of apathy towards clothing (not to mention The Bachelor, COVID-19, and the political climate) in the last two weeks. Suddenly, wearing cute outfits, notifying my friends and followers about sales, and yapping about my new favorite shoes just isn’t important.
Like, at all.
My family is alive. Banged up, bruised, and hurting both physically and emotionally, but they are alive. The same cannot be said of all of their neighbors.
Like, at all.
My family is alive. Banged up, bruised, and hurting both physically and emotionally, but they are alive. The same cannot be said of all of their neighbors.
I can’t stomach the idea of posting an outfit on Instagram with some stupid, cutesy caption. I can’t bear the thought of putting on scrubs and returning to work next week at the hospital. I’m not ready to start “being normal” again until the rest of my family can too. On the other hand, in this same few weeks’ time, while I’ve hardly been able to look at the clothes lining my closet, I’ve also realized the vital importance and even the healing properties of clothing.
My niece suffered a brain injury during the tornado and remains in critical condition. She’s been in the hospital for almost two weeks now with a long road of recovery ahead. Her nurses bought her a Frozen nightgown and the gaudiest bow (y’all, it lights up) for her 2nd birthday which we celebrated in the hospital, one day after the storm. These sweet clothes bolstered all of us. Friends, family, and even strangers have offered clothes to my sister and her family. Everyone knows the importance of literally having something on your back, especially something cozy. My closet remains full of pretty things, yet I keep choosing to wear the most comfortable and functional pieces. They just make me feel the best. My uncle made t-shirts with my niece’s sweet face on them. They encourage everyone who wears them and remind them to continue praying for her. In each of these moments, clothing brought me so much comfort.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting over the past few weeks (hence this post). Reflecting on my own clothes. On how my feelings about clothing have shifted so vastly in such a short time. On how I would feel if the contents of my wardrobe were littered all over town. And reflecting on how, by far, the most important clothes I’ve ever worn in my life (and I’ve worn a lot) are the clothes of Christ.
“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”
Colossians 3:12-14 MSG
I was raised in church. When I was a kid, we were a “be there every time the doors were open” kind of family. I was brought up on Bible stories and was taught by my parents the never ending love of God. But there was a specific time in my life when there was a shift. When my faith was no longer solely shaped by my parents but by my personal life experiences. I chose to continue pursuing Christ because I knew that a life without Him was a life without hope. I chose to clothe myself with Christ each and every day in an attempt to further His kingdom and live a life that is pleasing to Him. Subsequently, by putting these "clothes" on every day, they’ve rooted me in faith and, in a way, prepared me for this moment. They’ve allowed me to stand firm in this most trying time and, though I still don’t understand why all of this happened, confidently proclaim God’s name. From the second I realized that the situation was truly serious that Tuesday morning, I’ve cried out to God for comfort, help, peace, and healing. I wish none of this ever happened, but I do not blame God. Like I shared in a recent Facebook post, I don’t understand why God, who makes the elements, allowed a tornado to plow my family's street the hardest while on it’s path of destruction. I don’t understand why my home and my life were spared. I question if there will ever be a day that I can make sense of it all. But my faith is not shaken. TO MY CORE, I believe that God is in control and that He works all things together for good. This is my family’s Job moment. And I pray fervently that we never have another one. But, even if every day after this brings some new tragedy, I will do my best to live out Job’s words:
“I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” - Job 1:21 NLT
“I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” - Job 1:21 NLT
Today and every day I have left on this earth, I will choose to wear my favorite outfit: the shining armor of God.
XOXO,
Abby
XOXO,
Abby
If you would like to help monetarily during this difficult time, please consider donating to my sister and her family below.
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I Quit Social Media for 21 Days (and here's what I learned)
Hi, my sweet e-friends! Hope you all have had a prosperous New Year so far. As many of you may know, I took a brief hiatus from social media (particularly Instagram and Facebook) while I participated in 21 days of Prayer and Fasting. This is something that my church does twice a year. We were all encouraged to fast from something in our lives for 21 days and spend the time normally spent doing said "thing" instead communing with God in some way. Up until now, I'd never joined in.
Thanks to a new women's study group I've also become a part of over the last year, I have been learning more about the Holy Spirit and His presence in my life. During all the excess surrounding the holiday season, I was feeling lead to take a break from the socials anyway. When they announced at church one Sunday in December that 21 Days was coming up, I knew now was my time.
So, starting January 6th, I deleted my Instagram and Facebook apps. I jotted down some ideas of things to do to when I was stumped on how to fill the time I usually spent online: pray (obvi), read, declutter, call someone, etc. And, I ventured forward with high hopes.
I didn't miss it.
Sure, the first few days I caught myself picking up my phone to open the Instagram app an embarrassing number of times. But after a while, I got used to it, and I truly enjoyed the break. I found myself finally finishing things that I'd been neglecting for months. I deleted THOUSANDS of old blog pictures from the cloud that never made it to a post. I finished the PBS docu-series on Country Music that I started in October. I cleaned out my closet a bit and made several sales on Poshmark. I felt more engaged at work. My marriage grew stronger. I slept deeper (as evidenced by the intensely vivid dreams I've had almost every. single. night.) I realized how much I loved my own life and the material things I've been blessed with. I didn't feel near as much jealousy, nor did I envy what others had. I felt less stressed overall, and my spiritual life was refreshed.
It wasn't a cure all.
About a week into all of this, I was feeling overall more positive vibes in my life. However, while I felt no longing for social media, I also didn't feel like I'd had any Spiritual growth...which was sort of the whole point. I had an epiphany one night in bed (or dare I say the Spirit suggested to me) that I was just filling the time I normally spent on the internet with other stuff to keep me busy. The phrase, "stop being so busy," came to my mind.
I've been trying really hard to be ok with not multitasking. To be ok with just sitting and having a long conversation with someone. Or spending time in God's presence or enjoying His creation and not worrying about the things I think I need to be doing. It's still a work in progress, but I've been trying to intentionally not overfill my plate with things that really aren't important.
I've been trying really hard to be ok with not multitasking. To be ok with just sitting and having a long conversation with someone. Or spending time in God's presence or enjoying His creation and not worrying about the things I think I need to be doing. It's still a work in progress, but I've been trying to intentionally not overfill my plate with things that really aren't important.
I'm worried about coming back.
Ok, let's back up...when I first started Abbylish, almost 2 years ago, I honestly viewed it as a potential career change. I had big dreams of leaving the nursing profession and working for myself making six figures, rolling in brand deals and hundreds of thousands of followers. Instagram would have you believe that most other millennials are doing just that!
So while I was preparing for this "big life change," I did offer up a prayer or two because I wanted God to bless this endeavor and to make sure that fashion blogging would be a Christlike career (I went to a Christian college, and in nursing school, they really tried to push the idea that as nurses we were the hands and feet of Jesus. So let's just say choosing a "Godly profession" was heavily emphasized during my formative years...maybe too much so). I took the plunge though, without really waiting for an answer from God, and I gave it my all.
After months of frustration, self doubt, comparison, self-induced stress, and a little bit of fun here and there, I came to the realization that Abbylish is just a hobby for me, and I'm most definitely better off. Full time influencers are LITERALLY full time. Like 24/7 full time. They are subjected to some of the cruelest comments I've ever read. I even started thinking about how I would manage my time if I worked for myself. I can't imagine it going well. 😳
On top of all that, all of the things you have to do to "grow" your online presence and therefore gain more business, is baffling to me. You need lots of followers, but you also need followers who are engaged. So you better engage with others to get them to engage back! Comment! Like! Save! Share!
I can't tell you how many times I've created a post about something very heartfelt, and all of the comments are "cute shirt, babe!" It's nobody's fault, really. Unfortunately, it's just how the game is played. But the disingenuousness and inauthenticity of it all was just starting to wear me down.
All that being said, I'm a little hesitant to return! I'm concerned about promoting consumerism and materialism. I've always enjoyed fashion and shopping, but you don't need the shoes, and I'm tired of telling you that you do. I'm also concerned about protecting my marriage. I realized how selfish I've been in practically forcing my husband to take part in my hobby. He's been so helpful since Day 1 with taking all of my photos and building my website. But he doesn't enjoy it. And, I'd rather spend our weekends doing something together that we both love instead of gallivanting all over town to take outfit pics. And finally, social media itself, although not an inherently bad thing, yields to feelings of discontent. I love our home. I love the clothes in my closet. I love the trips we take. But when I see what others have, even others I know and love, I somehow feel like mine's not enough.
.
.
In the end, I will always enjoy fashion, styling outfits, and sharing where I got cute pieces.
I enjoy sharing blog posts like these with the ten of you who read them. 😉 I enjoy using social media to express creativity and to connect with people in my own city and in cities all over the world. I like taking pretty pictures and encouraging others to try something new.
I'm still on the fence about it all. I'm wary of jumping back in but also fearful of walking away completely. Prayers are appreciated while I work through some of these emotions and thoughts. Just wanted to give you all an update and be as transparent as possible!
I also encourage every singe one of you to take a break from social media every so often. Whether it's a week, a month, or a year, I guarantee you will emerge from the experience refreshed and renewed. Let me know if you try it!!
XOXO,
Abby
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5 Things
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Do you share any of my struggles? Are there other things burdening your heart? Feel free to share them in the comments section below. But if you choose not to, know that I'm praying for you and for all the tough things you might be enduring, and I ask that you do the same for me.
Love you all!
XOXO,
Abby
5 Things I'm Struggling With
Ok I really didn't intend for this post to be yet another glorified list. And especially a list containing five items. However, this morning I finally made time to sit down and read a few chapters of a book I've been reading for months now.
(I used to read all the time and would make fun of my mom for how long it took her to read one book, usually about a year...now I get it). This book, Meeting God in Holy Places, was given to me by my Dad after he and Mom traveled to Israel. It is enlightening, inspiring, and always leaves me with something to think about.
I also keep a prayer journal, which I'm sad to admit I only write in about once every couple months. This morning, instead of writing down a traditional prayer, I just kind of wanted to write down all of the things that are currently troubling my heart. To get them on paper so I could really examine them. Ironically enough, it came out to five, which is my favorite number.
So because I've shared a few other "5 Things" posts (here and here) with you all before, I wanted to share these not-so-fun 5 things with you as well. I want to share them as a reminder that life isn't always rainbows and roses despite what you see on social media. And, I also want to share them in hopes that if you're going through something similar, you can know that you're not alone and that it's perfectly normal (did I just suggest that I'm perfectly normal lololol??) to have seasons of confusion and stress. Can a whole decade be considered a season?? #askingforafriend 😂
1. Frustration, judgement, and lack of support for people who I consider to be making poor choices
A flaw that I've noticed about myself particularly in adulthood is my judgment of others. On a spiritual level, I know that we are all sinners. And just because my sins have never disgraced me publicly, landed me in jail, or really negatively affected my life, they are still sins. We are all created in God's image, and I am no better than anyone else.
However, on an earthy level, I struggle with being judgmental towards those who sin differently than me. Towards people who are lazy, mooch off of others, apathetic, constantly negative and who fall into the same temptations or make the same mistakes over and over, I find myself thinking, "how hard is it to get it together??" I don't understand how anyone could settle for living a sub par (in my eyes) life and not want to strive and work for something better. I find myself feeling that people like that aren't even worth my time, and I avoid being around them.
But while we are all created in God's image, we aren't created to be the same. Sure the world would be a better place if everyone was just like me 😉, but that's not what God intended. We are each unique and have unique struggles. And no matter what those struggles are, God gives us his amazing and unending grace. I am not saved by good works, righteous living, or all the hustle I can muster but rather by my faith and God's good grace which I do not deserve.
So why can't I extend the same unending grace to others as Christ extends to me?
2. Focusing too much on my earthly life and consciously choosing things of this world over time with God.
I am way too focused on my life here on earth as opposed to my eternal life. I can step back and examine my everyday life and actions and can clearly see myself choosing other things (laundry, watching TV, Instagramming) over studying God's word or praying. I'm constantly putting my spiritual life on the back burner to focus on my earthly life, and I'm not really sure why. Lack of discipline, I guess. I know which one is more important, yet that's not the one I focus on.
3. Confining my life and ministry to inside my comfort zone
This one sort of ties into numbers one and two. Because of my tendency to judge others unfairly and to allow their actions that I don't agree with to bother me, and because I'm more focused on what I'm doing here on this earth rather than looking towards my eternal life and striving to further God's kingdom, I find myself only shining God's light to people who are already like me. To people who live like me, worship like me, and have similar struggles as me. I surround myself with people who already know God instead of seeking out those who don't. And when I do come in contact with those who don't know Christ, I don't feel like I really do anything that displays Christ to them, but rather I just blend in until I can get back to my comfort zone.
4. Feeling left out or left behind by all of my friends and family entering motherhood
Around this time last year, I wrote a blog post listing (imagine that) several reasons why I wasn't ready to have kids. One year later, I'm still not interested in procreating. However, also one year later, it seems like all of my friends and family members (not to mention every single person I follow on social media) is pregnant. They're entering this exciting time of literal expectation and they are being showered with joy and affection by everyone around them. They're in a season of change, hopefulness, and anticipation, and I envy them. I'm jealous of these "next chapters" my friends are walking into, but I'm not interested in having kids. I feel like I'm being left out or left behind, but I don't actually want what they have. I don't want a baby, but I'd love to experience a "next chapter." But, I've already gone to college, landed a stable job, married, moved, bought a house, adopted a dog, started a blogging hobby...now what?
What's next for me?
I also get a little sad knowing that my friendships with these women entering motherhood will be...not lost, but forever changed. Friendships shift with any life change, (going to college, moving away, getting married, etc.) and while the changing of life's seasons can be exhilarating, they've always left me feeling a bit nostalgic.
5. Uncertainty about becoming a mother myself
As of right now, there is nothing compelling me to have children other than the fear of who will take care of me and Greg when we're old. And that's not a reason to bring a child into the world. If I literally make a pros and cons list (I have), my single pro for childbearing would be having someone there in 60 years to put me in the nicest retirement home. And the cons list is so long I've lost count. Just from a logical perspective, that doesn't balance out so well.
I pray about it, but I'm not really sure what to pray for. Clarity, I guess. Discernment. Accidentally getting knocked up so the decision is made for me. I don't really know who to talk to about it either. My closest confidants either have kids or want to have them, so I feel like I just don't relate. And, I worry I might offend them if tell them all the reasons why I don't want to be a parent. I end up confiding in the few child free friends I have at work and mostly lamenting to Greg at least once a minute day about it. He says he is happy with whatever decision I make. He's not chomping at the bit to be a dad either, so he doesn't understand why I fret over it so much. BUT LIKE THERE'S LITERALLY A TIME LIMIT. And while everyone around me seems to be popping out kids left and right, I think the battery in my biological clock might be dead.
But there's still that lingering "what if" and the fear of regret. If I was 1000% certain that I wanted to remain childfree, I'd schedule a tubal tomorrow. But for some reason, I'm not closing the door completely. Maybe because I'm only 27. I definitely have some more time to decide. I think I'm just feeling pressure because it seems like everyone I know is doing it. Like for real, I'm going to start keeping a tally of how many days in a row I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook.
I realize that this post is a bit of downer. A rundown of all of my flaws and struggles isn't the most inspirational of content. Especially since I don't have any solutions yet. They're just kind of there... annoying me.
But one thing I know for certain is that while life isn't perfect and I'm not perfect, I serve a God who is. He is faithful, and "he knows the plans he has for me. Plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope." So, if He's got me in his hands, there's no need for me to worry or stress about my future or the places where I feel like I don't measure up.
Instead, The best thing for me to do during my time on this earth is to start each day fresh seeking God, displaying his love to others, and continually striving to reflect the gospel. I believe that if I focus on those things, the rest will all fall into place.
.
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." - Phillippians 4:6-7
But there's still that lingering "what if" and the fear of regret. If I was 1000% certain that I wanted to remain childfree, I'd schedule a tubal tomorrow. But for some reason, I'm not closing the door completely. Maybe because I'm only 27. I definitely have some more time to decide. I think I'm just feeling pressure because it seems like everyone I know is doing it. Like for real, I'm going to start keeping a tally of how many days in a row I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook.
I realize that this post is a bit of downer. A rundown of all of my flaws and struggles isn't the most inspirational of content. Especially since I don't have any solutions yet. They're just kind of there... annoying me.
But one thing I know for certain is that while life isn't perfect and I'm not perfect, I serve a God who is. He is faithful, and "he knows the plans he has for me. Plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope." So, if He's got me in his hands, there's no need for me to worry or stress about my future or the places where I feel like I don't measure up.
Instead, The best thing for me to do during my time on this earth is to start each day fresh seeking God, displaying his love to others, and continually striving to reflect the gospel. I believe that if I focus on those things, the rest will all fall into place.
.
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." - Phillippians 4:6-7
Do you share any of my struggles? Are there other things burdening your heart? Feel free to share them in the comments section below. But if you choose not to, know that I'm praying for you and for all the tough things you might be enduring, and I ask that you do the same for me.
Love you all!
XOXO,
Abby
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INCOMING: Long post alert!
This might be the longest blog post I've ever written.
I apologize in advance, but I promise it's worth reading!
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2019 is here, and many people have already starting creating laundry lists of New Year's resolutions, goals, and aspirations.
I like getting a fresh start and setting some goals each new year, but New Year's resolutions are a little funny aren't they?
My One New Year's Resolution
2019 is here, and many people have already starting creating laundry lists of New Year's resolutions, goals, and aspirations.
I like getting a fresh start and setting some goals each new year, but New Year's resolutions are a little funny aren't they?
Faith
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Living My Best Life
Lately, I've been feeling a little unsettled.
I'm tired of my job.
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